Why you want to push for a No to get a Yes.
We were last talking to J. about negotiations and deal making. Understanding the psychology behind the person you are negotiating with is very important. But even more importantly, you need to bring clarity to the table.
You must be very clear with your intentions and what will happen if they say Yes or No. You actually want to be the first one to say No. Or get the other person to say “No” to get a resounding, “Yes!”
You need a clear design that goes through sequence of events predictably in negotiations. You want to get to your final outcome with a clear conclusion. J calls this system his “Rules of Engagement”. In this final part of the interview, he offers insight for people looking to become real estate investors.
In this final Interview Learn:
- How “Rules of Engagement” can save everybody time
- Importance of clarity for making deals
- Leveraging the Pendulum Theory in your life
- How to lower your prospects defensive guard
- The most important Step to take in Real Estate Investing
What are your Rules of Engagement?
The Rules of Engagement is a way to clearly reach a final outcome between you and your prospective client.
With the Rules of Engagement you are covering 3 things:
The other person knows you are trying to help them and work with them, but they are unsure until they fully understand it. You have to help them gain clarity and lower their anxiety. You lower the other person’s anxiety by outlining up front what happens if they say No, Yes or maybe.
For example, it would be like going to a dentist and they tell you,
“You need endodontic treatment right away, let’s begin now!”
Then they bring a big needle out and start working on you without explaining anything. That would make anybody anxious.
You have to get the other person to fully understand what a Yes means. You have to clearly describe your intent and what is going to happen if they work with you. Walk them through step by step.
You always want to hear a No over a maybe. Clearly give them the right to say No.
Basically you’re going to tell them,
“Here’s what will happen if you say no, here’s what happens if you say yes. But I don’t want you to say maybe. If you can’t absolutely say yes, then please say No.”
Rules of engagement is critical when you’re in knee deep and about to close the deal. At this stage, we are trying to come to the final decision. This is when rules of engagement are helpful.
Interestingly enough the psychology of people today, the most difficult thing to get people to say, is the word “NO”. Most people can’t tell you directly, “No.” They’ll tell you all the reasons why they’re not saying yes, but they can’t say the two simple letters, N O.
This is because humans don’t want to hurt other humans, especially their feelings. They think that by saying, “Let me think about it,” is better than saying, “No.”
So what ends up happening, is that no decisions are made and nobody is clear on what’s going on. The salesperson is wondering, “What’s going on?” Or worse, they feel “Yes, I got this one.”
This can become emotional torture. They’re excited on getting the sale, only to find out the actual answer is No. Because the client didn’t know how to tell them No.
On the other side, the client can feel guilty because they scheduled an appointment for next week but they already know they’re going to say No. Then they agonize all week trying to figure out how to tell you No, or they cancel and give you unlimited, lifetime access to their voicemail.
So the rules of engagement can create clarity where there is none.
Clarity leads to power. The Power to do two things:
1. The power to Decide, and then
2. The power to ACTClarity leads to Power, the power to Decide. Clear decisions leads to Execution, which leads to SuccessClick To Tweet
So you have to bring clarity to the table. You need to get the “Maybe” out of the picture. What’s the best way to do this?
You need to have clarity and bring it to everybody. You need to push for a “No” answer to get a yes response.
I call it the “Pendulum Theory.”
A pendulum sitting still in the middle is useless. You want movement.
Yes or No, it doesn’t matter, you just need movement. By having movement you have the ability to help someone. Somebody being completely and emotionally uninvolved will be in the middle.
Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. If you’re afraid to talk about No, their Yes will not be emphatic. If you pull towards No lightly, then the push towards Yes is going to be weak. However, if you pull strongly towards a No response, they will come back with a strong push towards Yes. That’s why you have to go straight to a No.
This response is seen a lot in married couples. All you have to do is tell your wife,
“Hey let’s watch this movie!”
“No, I don’t want to watch that one.”
It’s almost comical. The stronger I give you a “No”, the more “Yes” you feel you have to give to justify your position. The stronger your No, the stronger their Yes will be.
If you tell someone,
“There is absolutely NO way we are going to be able to do business together.”
The other person will be thinking,
“Well, there’s gotta be a way.”
This also works in the reverse. If you strongly only talk about getting them to say Yes, they will react by wanting to say NO.
The Maybe is what you don’t want. If by the end of the meeting, they reply,
“Let me think about it.”
Then you remind them,
“Hey Frank, remember at the beginning we agreed we were going to get to a No or a Yes. And anything else would be taken as a no. So is it okay to go ahead and take what you just said as a No?”
Now if the person is genuinely not interested, they will say no. This will save everybody mental anguish. You don’t want to be chasing people. Talk to the adult, get a clear No or Yes answer.
If they say No, it’s fine. You still give them value by bringing them clarity. If they say no, that’s the end of the conversation and you save everybody time and move on.
I just want to know what they think. Just trying to have a general, clear, frank conversations. So that, if my product or service is good for you. We can figure out the details and make arrangements to make it happen.
“Will my product or service be a perfect fit for you?” If I don’t think we’re going to be a good fit, I’ll tell them.
If it isn’t good for you, then let’s decide that now and save ourselves some mental anguish.
Any words of wisdom for those interested in getting started with Real Estate?
The most important thing you can do is to “Start before you’re ready.”
Many people spend so much of their time getting ready to get ready. Thinking about getting ready to start investing. They think they need to be in a particular position to become ready, and wonder what that position might be.
And if they so happen to get ready some day, they end up getting beat to the punch, over and over again, by people who are nowhere near as “ready” as they were.
The key difference is that the other person was willing to take action.
If you can learn to take imperfect action, you will succeed. You just need to execute and get your feet wet.
I would rather people learn to take swift action on imperfect information rather than to have perfect information with delayed action.
At the end of the day, you have to do something. You have to be moving forward.
It doesn’t matter how much somebody knows or thinks they know or how many books they read.
Like Jeff Olson says,The journey starts with a single step—not with thinking about taking a step.Click To Tweet
There is a time for book knowledge and there is a time for experiential knowledge.
Both are required. You must have both. But you can’t just have book knowledge.
I understand you have a prestigious college degree, you’ve been reading about real estate for years, you may have even taken some courses.
But if you still haven’t written an offer, you don’t know anything.
Right, do you think it’s because people are risk averse about their money being on the line?
I don’t know if it’s about being “risk averse.” If they were risk averse, then they would actually be investing their money. They don’t understand the risks they are actually taking by sitting still, by not investing their money. That’s part of the challenge.
It’s not a challenge of being risk averse. It’s a challenge of ignorance and fear, those two combined are deadly.
It’s the ignorance of not knowing what’s happening to the money sitting on the sidelines. They’re afraid to do anything and take that first step.
When I went to school and when most of us went to school, if you got the answer wrong, you were laughed at. You were the one other kids made fun of for getting things wrong.
We all learned how not to stick our neck out and take risks because it hurts, emotionally.
Nobody wants to be the one who got it wrong.
However, in the world of entrepreneurship, the only people who ever get it “Right” are the ones willing to get it wrong, sometimes waaay wrong, first.
You just have to go out and do it. At the “speed of instruction”. Apply and act on what you learn immediately, that’s how you really learn, and gain real world experience.
That’s the thing, we have to unlearn that. It’s just a combination of ignorance and fear.
Finally, how can people contact you and learn more from you?
They can listen to me on my online radio show.
They can also go to Cashflowdiary.com
If anybody would like a free copy of my book, “Cash Flow Diary: 10 Steps to Creating Wealth in any Economy!” they can grab it here.
This concludes our Interview with J. Massey
Got questions for J? Leave them below!
J. Massey Bio
Massey is a full-time real estate investor, entrepreneur, podcast host, author, speaker, coach and all-around problem solver. He is well known for providing best-in-class advice and strategies to help new and experienced investors the world over. He is at his best teaching others how to find and manage investment opportunities such as multi-family properties. He is also an expert negotiator.
He has turned his real world experience into comprehensive training courses in different aspects of Real Estate, from doing due diligence to understanding the psychology behind deal making. His cashflow-creation strategies are embraced on a global scale by people who want to achieve tangible success in real estate investing, and in his words become “bigger, badder, better real estate investors.”
Prior to real estate investing, J. held positions in insurance and financial planning as a licensed representative with the National Association of Securities Dealers (NASD), the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC), the California Dept of Insurance (CDI), and a Registered Investment Advisor Representative (RIAR).
He is a member of the National Sales Network, Renatus and Toastmaster’s International (CC). He holds more than 12 awards for public speaking including 2nd Place in the 2008 Founders District International Speech Contest, 1st place in the 2009 Founders District Table Topics, and 2nd place in the 2010 Founder’s District International Speech and Table Topics contests.
J.’s publishing credentials include a book he co-authored titled “3 Money Raising Questions” and his highly acclaimed book, Cashflow Diary: 10 Steps to Creating Wealth in ANY Economy! He has also authored many educational e-books on a variety of topics in real estate investing and networking to create wealth.